False Hope

I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to let go. I don't want to make a decision.

I was perfectly happy, comfortable, and everything felt right. And then everything changed.

I'm not saying I understand, because I don't. I want to, but I don't feel this way. My mind was set. I knew what I wanted. But now I'm questioning that thought because of how I've been treated. I don't want to be doubted. I don't want to be someone's second choice. I want to be someone's everything. Someone's forever.

I find myself constantly changing how I feel about everything. One moment, I find myself hoping everything will be okay. And the next, I don't. Because I want to be able to find someone without doubts. I want everything to be okay because I know what I want.

This is what I'm looking for. I want someone I instantly connect with. Someone I can say anything to. Someone who won't judge, but will listen and offer advice. Someone who I'm attracted to. Someone who cares about me. Someone mature and emotional like me. Someone strong willed with a good head on his shoulders. Someone who can be rational when I'm not. Someone who is like me, but still fills in the gaps where the other lacks. And I thought I found him.

And I'm not wrong. I did find him, and I can't help thinking that I haven't lost him quite yet. The emotions we both feel are so strong and passionate. It just seems right. To me, this is how its supposed to feel. Its supposed to be easy. Its supposed to be like we're picking up like nothing ever changed. And it was like that. Like nothing ever changed.

Learning what has been going on in someone's life is nice to hear. Its nice to know how they are. Its also nice to feel wanted. For someone to not want you to go. Its nice to have such strong emotion-filled thoughts and conversations. It shows me there's something there, even though it would be easier for there not to be.

Sometimes people need to grow apart before they can fall back together. Sometimes one person might not be ready for the next step. Maybe I'm one step ahead, while he's three steps behind. Will we ever catch up to the same point?

Right now, I don't know the answer to any of my questions. But I'm looking forward to learning soon enough.