#Thankful

This is something I wrote on May 13, 2012:

"Its crazy reflecting on the past and thinking about how things have changed. Life leads you in all kinds of crazy directions, but time after time, it turns out to be the right one. You never realize how something will affect you until after it happens. Something that might seem like the end of the world is often what is best. It just never seems like it. And sometimes, opportunities seem like they are happening at the worst possible time. But they turn out to be something good. Things happen for a reason and its best to let life do as it wants. Eventually, we all end up where we are supposed to be."

I think that its funny that I wrote this before I met Andrew. Everything above applies to him in every way possible. Its crazy that just eight months ago, I was in a failing relationship that I thought was going to last forever. I felt stuck. I was unhappy. I thought that I was in a relationship that was as good as I could get. From there, life lead me into a new relationship through a mutual friend. I stayed in that because I didn't have a reason not to be. He was a nice guy, but our relationship was not spectacular. Just because someone is nice, doesn't mean he's right. At least not for you. However, I did feel like my old, creative self after that relationship. I became more of myself and not who someone wanted me to be. I didn't realize that until now, but I'm glad I've come to that conclusion.

My "end of the world" moment was my break up after a two plus year relationship. Just because you're together a long time, doesn't automatically make it work. I believe that relationships take work. But they can only work if you're both willing to put in the same amount of effort. It took me so long to see that I was the only one trying to keep things going.

The relationship after that one was the one that seemed to come at the worst possible time. I did not want to be in a relationship after just ending one. I wanted to stay single. But I found comfort in being with someone new. We had some similar interests and we got along. I thought it would be a good thing. And it was for a bit before it became routine. Although, I am grateful for that time. It made me realize I was better than my ex. It made me realize I deserve better than what I had known.

I am currently in a position I would like to stay in. That is with Andrew. Things happened in such a way, we can't help but feeling that we were brought together for a reason. He always knows exactly how I'm feeling. I don't even have to tell him most of the time. We just know. Everything that happened in my past to bring me to Carol Parsil's Composition 2 class happened for a reason. And everything that brought Andrew to the University of Toledo and also Carol Parsil's Comp. 2 class happened for the exact same reason. I am where I would like to always stay.

I have fallen in love. It happened fast and without warning. But I know that my life is changing for the better. This is who I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to end up with. This is happening in a completely different way than anything before. This is something that came out of nowhere it seems. I am completely in love with Andrew. We have fallen in love with each other in the deepest sense possible and in the most unique and random way.

The first day of our English class, I sat in the front row trying to be a good student. I sat in the aisle seat next to a girl I did not know. Next to her was an empty seat. And then next to the empty seat was Andrew, sitting by the wall. On the first day, we did an in-class writing. I was completely unprepared. The girl in between Andrew and I asked him if we could use some paper. This was our first interaction. Although it was small and somewhat meaningless, it was still our first time talking with each other.

I am thankful for every moment we've had together. I'm looking forward to our future and everything we bring and will bring to each other's lives. Our life. Our happy, loving, perfect life together.

#Happy

The most surprising part of Andrew's trip was the time leading up to it. I was astonished that the days flew by like nothing. Like how the summer feels when you are small. The days fly by and it looks like summer is out of your reach. The days leading up to his visit flew by faster than any other length of time this summer. I am thankful for that.

Given that, the days he spent here didn't fly by quite as fast as I had expected in the moment. Looking back, it seems like he was barely here. And it makes me miss him.

I miss our quiet moments. I miss riding in the car, blasting music, singing our lungs out. I miss being held in his arms. I miss feeling like nothing could ever hurt me as long as he's around. I miss walking. Through parks, cities, streets, anywhere. I miss how we can walk with our arms around each other perfectly. I think my favorite moments were spent in coffee shops. Which is fitting. I miss deciding on the type of latte to order and what  flavors we were going to share. I miss sitting on the bench on Main Street in downtown Sylvania (Sylvan-i-a) just talking about everything while sipping on lattes from the Chandler Cafe. I miss sitting on the couch at Vintage Coffee discussing the things we want for our own coffee shop.

There are so many moments during his visit that I want to hold on to. I have tried writing them down, but one moment leads to another which leads to another. Then the thoughts become jumbled together. My journal is filled with carrot-notes (^) because I keep jumping from thought to thought.

I could not have imagined a more perfect three days with someone. I would not change a single millisecond. The only thing I would ask for would be more time. Every second we spend together, I feel our relationship strengthening. Each time we talk, we make another connection.

That's another thing. We are the same person. We are almost identical from our favorite foods, to where we want to travel, to what's happened in our pasts. I could not ask for more. I find it completely fascinating and absolutely perfect. I would not want someone the opposite from me. Personally, opposites don't attract. Not to say that's not true for other people. Others like the dynamic between two completely different people, lifestyles, upbringings.

We've had similar college experiences, we like the same types of food, we're both adventurous, we have the same top three pies. We agree on most everything. Which is perfect because we aren't confrontational people to begin with. So it works. I'm happy. He's happy. And we are in love.

That's another thing. He said "I love you" to me within the first couple hours of being with me. Not because I had accidentally said it before, but because it felt right. (Carrot-note: I had accidentally let it slip on a Skype date a couple weeks before he visited. I don't regret saying it; it was how I felt and still feel. But hearing it in person was a totally different experience). We were sitting at Side Cut Metropark in Maumee, Ohio in a bird watching house. And he said it. And it was perfect. And we had a connection that was unbearably obvious. It was just another perfect moment.