Connections

The way people are connected has always interested me. I love finding connections between people that I know that know each other, but not necessarily through me. I think that crossing paths with different people is part of what makes life interesting.

I like to think about what life would be like if certain moments had never happened in my life. It makes me feel lucky that those moments have happened. It makes me think that everything happens for a reason. I think there's a certain reason why different people are brought together. Some people teach you what to do, and some teach you what not to do. Some show you what life should be like. Some people inspire to and there's a reason why certain people come into your life.

Everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe that. I believe anyone I've ever connected with or became friends with has taught me something about myself. They've shown me how I want to be treated in life. Sometimes this takes a while to learn, but eventually I learn my lesson.

The order of events is also something interesting to me. And the reasoning is as well. I find it amazing to think about how things have played out, even over the last couples months, to lead me where I am today.

I think people are brought together for a reason, and I'm starting to see that more now than ever before.

Realizations

I am coming to find that I deserve so much more than what I have known. I deserve the world and someone who will give that to me. That what makes me feel like I've moved on. This is the best feeling about all of this. Realizing what I thought was a good relationship that was really just a mess of feelings and half hearted attempts to make me happy.

But I'm starting to really feel happy. I feel good about me. I feel like I can do anything. I'm excited about my future. I'm excited to open a coffee shop. I'm excited about the possibilities that await me. I can do anything. I am independent and I don't need anyone but me. Over the last month, I have found truly great people to be around and call my friends. I lost that over the last two years, but I'm excited to keep calling them my friends and to be with them as much as possible.

I've even thought about the possibility of opening up a restaurant with a completely new concept. I think it would be amazing. It makes me happy knowing I can do anything and I don't have to please anyone but myself. And if someone wants to help me pursue my dreams, they can stand with me. But if they want to bring me down, or I feel that I have to diminish my dreams to make them happy, then I don't want them around.

I feel free and I love this feeling.

The Past Is My Present

Originally, I had started this blog during my freshman year of high school soon after a break up with someone. It was my way to vent, just like now, but everything I had posted on there was from the mind of a fifteen year old. When I started this blog, I looked at those posts. I thought I had good thoughts, but maybe didn't say them in the way I should. My sentences weren't complex and I used such simple wording. But after the events taking course over the last few weeks, I decided to look back again.

I now realize I'm not much different from that fifteen year old blogger trying to get her feelings out. That's exactly what I'm doing now. I came across the post (below this paragraph), and this is what made me think about this. all of these things I wanted to find in someone are still things I want. Although there are deeper things I want to find in someone, this is what I have tried to base all my relationships off of. I love guitar still, I love music, I love being different. I think that everything I have written in this post is true still to this day. And that makes me excited to see where my future leads to:


Sunday, August 5, 2007
Here's you, here's me, We can't keep this up.
Alright, so here is the truth. As much as I want to, I cannot do this. I cannot like you. I do, but I cannot, I should not. You hurt my friends and me. You went after my best friend. I do not think you are ready for a serious relationship. I do not think that we can work right now. When you are ready for a long-term relationship, call me. Until then, we can deal with just being friends. Unless, I am wrong and you think you have matured. If you are ready for more than two weeks together, then lets do this. I am up for a relationship. I could use one right now. See, this is my deal, I want this:
+ will always be there no matter what is going on.+ has good hair.+ is involved in sports.+ plays the guitar. + will be able to make me laugh even if I'm not in the mood. + listens to Relient K as much as I do.+ gets good grades.+ does all the 'typical' boyfriend stuff (i.e.-holding hands, etc)+ can hang out with my friends and me.+ will come over just to say hi.+ doesn't diss my extra-curriculars.+ is conservative+ will go into girlie stores at the mall and wouldn't care -hahh (:+ is looking for a long-term relationship+ likes those movies that deal with the government (i.e.-breach, shooter)+ loves every roller coaster at Cedar Point+ doesn't brag about themselves+ is willing to give all my 'weird bands' a chance+ would go to the art museum to see the Andy Warhol exhibit+ takes me golfing or something else random+ has classes in school with me so we can see each other a lot (:+ likes 24 (i.e. the best TV show ever)+ thinks acoustic music is amazing+ doesn't flirt with other girls especially when I'm around.+ will take me golfing or some other random thing (:+ is nice, sweet, kind.+ does not have a big ego+ is completely, 110% committed to me